Smoke Alarms

12 Oct

Many times when you are counseling two people who are having difficulties in their relationships with one another, those two people honestly think their heart is right in the middle of that situation. They may not say it straight out, (especially those who are well trained in what to say to biblical counselors), but honestly at the end of the day, many religious people tend to think that while there heart isn’t always right, “this is the one time when it really is” and the reason they are having the problems in the relationship are mostly because of the other person.

Now, that is not every one and that is not every time.

There are some people who are quick to admit that they struggle with pride and selfishness and ironically those are usually the people who are doing the best spiritually.

But often, even though people know the Bible verses and even though they have sat in church and even though they are saying that their heart is pure, they are actually adding to the problems in their relationship with the other person through the way they are communicating with the other person and they don’t even know it.

That is why it is especially helpful to take a careful look at the way you are speaking to other people. That is why it is helpful sometimes to move past the principles, “speak kindly” to the actual words, and evaluate whether those words really are kind.

Because, I think what many might find is that if we tape recorded them in the middle of a conflict situation, they would be surprised by the way they are communicating and while they thought their heart was absolutely pure and they would have argued for that, the words they are choosing to use and the manner they are communicating in either reveals that they are somewhat foolish about wise ways of speaking to people or completely deceived about what is actually happening in their heart.

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